Jalen Strix (jalenstrix) wrote,
Jalen Strix

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And the moral of this story...

...is that jalenstrix does not function well in extreme heat.

In short, Florida heat 1, jalenstrix 0.

Perhaps a slightly longer summary would be this:

jalenstrix: La la la ....what a lovely day for my brother's graduation!

Florida heat: (thundering) Cower before me! :: smite ::

jalenstrix: Aaaaaaiiiieeeeee! :: is smitten :: jalenstrix fairies, where are you?

jalenstrix fairies: Sorry, darling. Can't help you until you actually get enough sense to get out of the heat.

jalenstrix: Well, damn.

And an even more detailed summary, for those not faint of stomach:

My brother's graduation was a trying sort of event. Not just because my family was in a very touchy mood (no one slept very much last for various reasons), but also because of the truly hideous heat.

For you see, the event was held outside. In May. In Florida. In very heavy humidity. With the attending family & friends of the graduates packed into little tiny rows too small for even airplane makers to consider sensible.

We arrived, after some small tribulations, and sat down in the midst of the throng.

I began to feel faint.

So I got up and walked around for a bit.

I tried again to sit down amidst the throng.

I began to feel dizzy.

Figuring this wasn't so good, my mother walked with me around to the shade in the back where there was some breeze.

I tried to continue standing. I failed. So I began to lean.

I then began to fail at leaning, so I kneeled. When that failed, I sat down with my head between my knees on the grubby ground.

Kind-hearted Floridians brought me water.

I continued to wilt.

My mother, quite concerned at this point, fetched me a chair. I wilted on the chair.

Kind-hearted Floridians led us inside where the air was stagnant but slightly cooler. I wilted on a very nice leather chair for awhile until my stomach revolted. Much ickiness ensued. And continued to ensue.

At last, the ceremony was complete and I wavered over to the steps to wait for the car to take me away. My brother, not knowing my icky state, brought a plate reception food over and began to eat next to me.

More ickiness nearly ensued right then, but thankfully didn't.

Instead, it waited until we were in the car about 5 minutes. My father pulled abruptly off into a parking lot of a nice little diner, and ickiness ensued in their side garden because I couldn't find the door in fast enough. (Poor diner...) Thankfully, they apparently didn't notice and happily gave my mother a cup of water for me when she went in to ask.

Then, the plan had been to go out to dinner to celebrate my brother's graduation. Thankfully, I was feeling composed enough to actually stomach (bad pun, check) the idea of being around food. So around it I was, as I sipped my little cup of tea. Conveniently, anti-nausea medicine was located beforehand. (Thank you, pepto-bismol.)

And so here I am, inside, slightly less wilted - having survived the raging beast that is the heat of Florida. (Barely.)

Stupid Florida heat.
Tags: health, humor, writing

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