February 12th, 2002

Owl Side

Unease

Domestic violence really strikes a pang of fear in me, tight. I was frightened tonight. Unsure, frozen. I thank [insert Divinity of choice here] that Kitten was here. It was good to have someone solid to brace against.

I'd never encountered anything like that first hand - now, I have and I would know what to do in the future. But it was a dive into cold water. Somehow painful.

Maybe it's like when you see things in the media but it never hurts until they have something to do with you up close and personal.
Owl Side

More Unease

Update on the soap opera escapades going on with my flatmate...her very recently ex-boyfriend was escorted out of the building by the police last night, after making threats and bashing things. He's been making suicide and homicide threats over phone, and they're getting a restraining order on him.

I'm disturbed. I'm disturbed because he was a "good guy". My mom had him in her middle school Spanish class, for God's sake. He was a good cook, courteous, all that. And he *still* is, which is the tweaking thing. He IMed me to apologize profusely for inconveniencing me last night. This, after he just finishes making death threats to my flatmate and her family.

It's sad, because I don't know what to do to help him, even if I was in a position to do so. He knows what he's doing, knows that it won't accomplish anything, and is really doing it to prove a point - because he's humiliated, hurt, and doesn't have any other "honorable" outlet.

I feel frustration, fear, and helplessness. I don't like feeling that in my own home, and that's exactly where this is centered right now. I'd almost wish to just be out of the apartment for a few days until things settle down.
Owl Side

Smurfing

Observations:

1) Spent entire early portion of evening at Tai Chi with a delightful mix of people. Left happy. Sore, but happy.

2) Went briefly to compare homework answers at place which contained some of the same delightful mix of people, with the exception of one Hawk replacing one Foxe. Left angry, pissy, and irritated.

3) Don't like allowing others to copy homework answers. Don't mind at all if it's part of an explanation and they come to know the answers through interchange. But if they already know how to do it and just haven't bothered to install the smurfing software and expect me to let them copy a lengthy answer - they can just get off their high smurfing horse, take the twenty smurfing minutes to learn the software, and print out the smurfing answer themselves. Call me a smurfing goody-two-shoes, but that's the way my principles work.


4) Was touched by a Hawk's offer, as made by his soft side in the early evening. Got pissed off by his hard side later.

Conclusions:

1) Feeling supremely irritated at Hawk. For the simple reason that I knew his soft side first, treasured it dearly, and then got exposed to his hard side. Which seems to irritate the smurfing squirrels out of me on a regular basis. More's the pity, since it's apparently the dominant side these days. It's unfair that initial impressions color everything so, but that's the way it goes.
1a) When and if Hawk reads this, I'm not entirely sure what response I'll get. Right now, I don't smurfing care. I told him once that if I was pissed at him, he'd hear it from me first. That was a promise made to his soft side. His hard side can blow my squirrels. Besides, this is from me, just not over smurfing IM.

2) Don't regret standing by principles. At all. Irritated that I had to call them in at all.

3) Foxe brings me lots of joy on a regular basis. Er macht das Deutsch sehr schoen. Und er tanze mit mich.