May 19th, 2002

Owl Side


I was just told today that a girl I knew from high school - who also came to Maryland, who was also in the CS department, who I saw occasionally and would hug hello - died in an auto accident Friday night. It's very unreal. I knew her. Now she's dead. I remember the shape of her face and her meek demeanor. And she's dead.

She's dead.

I guess I've never really had someone I knew that well die. My grandfather died when I was in the ninth grade, but I hadn't had much contact with him. It didn't strike me as odd that I didn't see him anymore, because I had never really seen much of him in the first place. And he was old. Somehow, that matters. I miss his laughter and his wit, but the lack of his presence isn't a strange thing.

I keep imagining her face enclosed in the ground, underneath dirt. And I want to cry.

She's dead.