Jalen Strix (jalenstrix) wrote,
Jalen Strix

  • Mood:

Pense Pense

I know I have a particular avoidance of some physical things. I'm not sure entirely whence this avoidance stems - I'm not exactly Ms. Purity-Minded. But maybe I am, in a way - I'm much more innocent than my reputation seems to portray. But there's also a fear on this particular avoidance. It pisses me off. My stomach quivers whenever there's a hint in the air. My automatic gut-level response is a resounding NO. I fear. I hate that I fear.

And it's causing problems again. I hate it, too, that it's always so important. But I can see myself in the opposite position - and I'd be feeling upset and rejected, too, so I can't fault for that.

I can force past it, with conscious effort. But the next time, the fear is still there. It doesn't lessen. It's not a "Look, that was okay - you don't have to worry now" thing. It stays, brooding.

But it's been my Downfall (TM) before and it looks like it's going to be again unless I do something about it. Dammit.
Tags: meditation, spiritual

  • Hurrah, but doh!

    ...for my first peer-reviewed journal article has been published and I have received a hard copy in the mail. This is the hurrah. The doh comes from…

  • Bwa ha ha...[academic glee]

    ...for the first draft of chapter four of my thesis is now done. w00t. w00t, I say.

  • Ah, the sweet music of flight...

    There's something deliciously baroque about writing thesis chapter drafts while listening to the gorgeous viennese waltz rhythm-ed music of Corteo.…

  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.