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Of regret...

...when you remember that something was sundered, and it was mostly your fault but not quite, and the repercussions last and last and last. And you are reminded.

And you take a moment to sigh for what's lost. It tastes like pomegranates, or almost, anyway.

And then you proceed to write something terribly angsty and vague in a public forum because you feel that this is an emotion that ought to be shared somehow, and understood. Certainly empathized with. And you continue to write in the second person, fully aware that this is terribly angsty of you.

And then you giggle at your silliness, and sigh, and smile. Because somehow laughing at your own angst makes it just enough better that you can put it away in your Attic again.

Comments

( 7 comments — Leave a comment )
thewronghands
Oct. 4th, 2004 03:07 am (UTC)
And then you proceed to write something terribly angsty and vague in a public forum because you feel that this is an emotion that ought to be shared somehow, and understood. Certainly empathized with. And you continue to write in the second person, fully aware that this is terribly angsty of you.

Does this actually do any good, or help your mood? Do you ever get genuine empathy from it, or is it just the feeling of interaction/sympathy with your audience? If nobody comments, is that bad? If comments are desired, what sorts of reactions are helpful? I ask because this is very different from my wiring... angsty vague things always make me flap and moo, because I never know what to say, and I almost never feel empathy (probably due to not being wired that way in the first place).

Saying, "oh, what is it, tell me more" seems overly intrusive -- surely if the person had wanted to be un-vague, they would have said so, and I needn't be all rude and nosy. And angsty calls for some response, but I never know what, and "Gee, I don't know what, but I'm sure that it sucks, uh, yeah, feel better" is totally inadequate.

I strongly suspect that I am missing the whole point of such things with my approach. [makes a face] I lay this at the feet of never feeling like I just have something I want understood and empathized with simply by the act of sharing.

Also, I strongly suspect that this one is my fault, which makes the lack of an ability to have an appropriate response all the more unnerving.

You! Explain your different neurology to me, that I may know what to do! [grin]

I do like pomegranates, though.
jalenstrix
Oct. 4th, 2004 03:35 am (UTC)
Does this actually do any good, or help your mood?

Writing something out always seems to help my mood, and the feeling of public awareness in cases like this particularly helps for some reason. I actually don't want specific comments or inquiries of "what's wrong", which I realize is probably somewhat annoying to readers. It doesn't even matter that specific people read it - more that it's available for people to read. (If I had actually wanted some specific resolution, I wouldn't have made it stupidly vague.)


Sadly, this seems to be the extent of my self-understanding. I don't know why writing this as a private entry doesn't have the same effect. I really don't. Particularly since I don't really want inquiries and such. I mean, couldn't I just pretend I made it public? Perhaps it has something to do with the Writer's Ego, though - I am rather fond of my vague writings, given their slight poetic leanings.


thewronghands
Oct. 4th, 2004 10:18 pm (UTC)
Are inquiries actively bad, or just indifferent? (If actively bad, eek, sorry for that, didn't know.)
silmaril
Oct. 4th, 2004 07:24 am (UTC)
And as angsty as it sounds, there will be someone who know exactly what you mean; possibly more than one someone.

To someone the taste is not like pomegrenates, though. Because someone doesn't have any taste-bud related senses about it. It feels like an emptiness in the appropriate place...
jalenstrix
Oct. 4th, 2004 03:43 pm (UTC)
[wry grin] Indeed. I admit to invoking tastes and colors in highly inappropriate contexts.
(Deleted comment)
halophoenix
Oct. 5th, 2004 12:15 pm (UTC)
So that's what pomegranates taste like.

I've never had one. And if your description is any justification, I'll never need to.
( 7 comments — Leave a comment )

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