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Of regret...

...when you remember that something was sundered, and it was mostly your fault but not quite, and the repercussions last and last and last. And you are reminded.

And you take a moment to sigh for what's lost. It tastes like pomegranates, or almost, anyway.

And then you proceed to write something terribly angsty and vague in a public forum because you feel that this is an emotion that ought to be shared somehow, and understood. Certainly empathized with. And you continue to write in the second person, fully aware that this is terribly angsty of you.

And then you giggle at your silliness, and sigh, and smile. Because somehow laughing at your own angst makes it just enough better that you can put it away in your Attic again.

Comments

jalenstrix
Oct. 4th, 2004 03:35 am (UTC)
Does this actually do any good, or help your mood?

Writing something out always seems to help my mood, and the feeling of public awareness in cases like this particularly helps for some reason. I actually don't want specific comments or inquiries of "what's wrong", which I realize is probably somewhat annoying to readers. It doesn't even matter that specific people read it - more that it's available for people to read. (If I had actually wanted some specific resolution, I wouldn't have made it stupidly vague.)


Sadly, this seems to be the extent of my self-understanding. I don't know why writing this as a private entry doesn't have the same effect. I really don't. Particularly since I don't really want inquiries and such. I mean, couldn't I just pretend I made it public? Perhaps it has something to do with the Writer's Ego, though - I am rather fond of my vague writings, given their slight poetic leanings.


thewronghands
Oct. 4th, 2004 10:18 pm (UTC)
Are inquiries actively bad, or just indifferent? (If actively bad, eek, sorry for that, didn't know.)

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